To Be a Straight Man is Hard, But To Be with a Sadistic Duo is Harder
by MaeveArte
Summary: Life in Gintama High is somehow a parody of our life. However, what Kagura is about to meet when a famous idol group visited their school is something she haven't wished for. And somehow, there is a sadistic soul who is very pissed of it. [OkiKagu. Oshiete, Ginpachi-sensei Universe.]


Even though the sun has already risen, it seemed the day is still as tiring as ever.

Entering again in the same old classroom, she was greeted again by the same dusty blackboard before she sat again on the rough wooden chairs.

"How tiring, yes!" the vermillion-haired girl exclaimed while she rested her head on her table. Her voice, however, was only a pinch of all voices shouting and screaming in their class.

A brown-haired flat-chested girl approached the girl with a warm smile on her pretty face. "My, Kagura-chan. You seemed very dispirited even though it is still morning."

"I can't help it, _Anego_. Gin-chan kept on nagging me to be the cook for this month and he kept on complaining because we only have _'egg -on-rice'_ every morning, yup!" Kagura ranted.

Someone who was dirty then approached the two.

"Otae-chan, you are so beautiful with your flat ches-"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT, YOU PERVERTED GORILLA STALKER!"

The gorilla - Kondo Isao, rather - didn't have the chance to finish his perverted gorilla sentence when a very powerful punch and kick was awarded to the poor hairy animal.

Another disaster was then left in the classroom by the flat-chested gorilla woman.

"Who says I'm a gorilla?"

Another mind-blowing attack _(literally)_ was about to be given to your poor author when a strong little hand stopped it.

" _Anego_ , please stop fighting," the little girl murmured even though her head was still rested on her table.

Shock was written on their faces. Kagura, a tomboy who loves fighting very much, said something very _out of character_.

"Kagura-chan, are you alright? the human stand of the glasses said as he approached his _'little sister'._

"HEY! I READ THAT! WHY YOU ALWAYS SAY THOSE LINES WHENEVER I AM DEBUTED IN YOUR STORY?! WHAT KIND OF TREATMENT WAS THAT?"

Ignoring his usual _tsukkomi-_ ing, Kagura only shifted her head towards the window.

"HEY, DON'T IGNORE ME!"

She was very pissed of what his guardian-slash-class adviser's laziness and antics. Gin-chan, or should we say Sakata Ginpachi, was a family friend of Kagura's family. Under some special circumstances, she was left in Edo by her bald father and her psychopathic brother. Sakata was the only one who they trusted in taking care the girl.

Speaking of the devil, he entered the disastrous room of class 3-Z in Gintama High with his usual nonchalant expression combined with his dead fish eyes and silver perm head, which was the cause of his distress.

Every student did their usual routine of greetings to their idiot teacher, though they were led by a pair of glasses.

"HEY! STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

"Let's forget the rant of the glasses and continue our lesson."

"STOP IGNORING ME! WHY ALL OF YOU KEEP ON IGNORING ME?!"

A soft tap was given to Shinpachi by someone sitting behind him. It was another plain character.

"It's alright, Shinpachi-kun. You have someone here riding on the same boat," Anpan man said with a small smile on his plain face.

Glasses desperately moved his head as a sign of approval. "DON'T PUT ME IN YOUR POSITION! I AM ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS OF GINTAMA THOUGH GINPACHI-SENSEI IS ANOTHER PARODY OF GINTAMA!"

A loud bang on the door was then heard.

"Sorry to disappoint you, glasses, but in this fan fiction, I am the main character," the newcomer said in his usual deadpan expression.

Wearing his super _S_ t-shirt, the chestnut-haired boy entered the room as if he was the king. Well, he would never be called the "prince of Sadists" for nothing if he didn't have what it takes to be called as such.

"Good morning, danna," he greeted casually as he approached his seat beside Mayo-freak.

"Oh, Souchirou-kun. I thought you were absent. But since you are late today, stand up in the hallway."

"Danna, it's Sougo and I have an excuse for my tardiness today. In my way to school, I met this strong little alien who kicked me on my stomach. Fortunately, I dodged it, though I stumbled back and fell from the bridge. I have to return back to my home to change my already wet uniform."

The vermillion-haired girl adjusted her spiral glasses while staring at him with disbelief written on her face.

How dare he lie with such flat face?

Because in reality, Okita Sougo was the one who first attacked her and she just fought back in defense of herself. After such short yet dangerous battle, Kagura fled towards the school leaving the jerk behind who just settled down under a tree taking a nap again.

She inwardly growled at the thought.

"I didn't know you met such unfortunate circumstance, Souchirou-kun. Because of that, you are allowed to stay in my class but don't repeat it again," Ginpachi-sensei said with his famous dead fish eyes as he really not cared a bit for the boy.

"It's Sougo. And can I kill Hijikata-san while I'm here?"

"Yes, you may."

"OI, I HEARD THAT! YOU REALLY HATE ME TO THE VERY CORE, AREN'T YOU?"

"Hijikata-san, just die."

"YOU REALLY IGNORED ME!"

Another not-so-uncommon battle occurred in Class 3-Z. Everyone stopped when they heard someone entered the disastrous classroom.

"I'm sorry, sensei for m-"

"MADAO-san, stand on the hallway."

"Eh?! Why you treat me that? I am late today because-"

"Stand on the hallway for your laziness today, MADAO-san," Ginpachi lazily repeated.

"Why are you so unfair, sensei? That sadist was also lazy in this story yet he still can enter the room!" the poor sunglasses man retorted.

"It is because I am the protagonist of this fan fiction. You are just a side character that should be forgotten like the Megane over there."

"OI! WHY SHOULD I BE FORGOTTEN?!"

"Ah. The human-wearing-glasses has spoken. Bless thy stand. Please kill Hijikata-san, too. Amen."

"I AM NOT AN ORDINARY STAND!"

"Everyone! Settle down!" Ginpachi-sensei uttered such words mightily even though he himself don't understand everything his idiotic troublesome class' doing... _Or what he's doing_.

Even though it is really pain in the ass, the class listened to their pain-in-the-ass teacher and stopped on making ruckus."

"I want to announce that at 3 p.m., we will go the school grounds with the other classes," he began.

Loud chattering then echoed in the room. It piped down when their lazy teacher spoke again.

"According to our baka-principal, a very popular group will visit our school as a part of their Anime Universe Tour."

"Popular? Like Maroom 7[1]?"

"NO WAY! IT MUST BE GINPACHI IDOL VERSION... KYAAAAAHHHH!"

"Shut up, you natto-lover masochist! It must be Boys Generation[2]! They will promote their Tiger Heart single[3]."

"What the heck are you talking about, you ugly old cat! It must be HIV48[4]! Do you remember they are the most powerful girl group in the universe? They might be making a big comeback..."

Amidst the noise, there was a lone legendary captain who just laughed sheepishly at everyone.

"How low beings are you? You forgot the greatest idol that conquered every man's heart and even defeated the most powerful girl group in the universe," he began. "Yes, the one who defeated HIV48! IT IS NONE OTHER THAN, OTSU-CHAN!"

There was a great heroic background music played from a cell phone. It was Taka-chin's.

"I don't to spoil such moment for a plain character like you, Shinpachi-kun, but it was all-boys idol group," Ginpachi-sensei said destroying the only hope that megane had just to become an awesome plain character.

"OI! STOP SAYING SUCH WORDS!"

Then, Shimura Shinpachi died. Happily ever after. The end.

"DON'T KILL ME LIKE THAT!"

"Author-san, can you also include Hijikata-san? Can you also give me more screen time? I am the main character of this fan fiction, after all," Okita Sougo uttered with his famous deadpanned expression.

"Author-san, can you also add honeymoon scene for me and Otae-"

"DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT AUTHOR-SAN OR YOU WILL NEVER SEE TOMORROW" Shimura Otae said while she gave the poor gorilla a German suplex.

To make the scene short, another disaster has occurred in Class 3-Z of Gintama High. Amidst to that, Kagura remained indifferent to others unlike her usual routine.

She just stared at the window like a shoujo manga heroine. And someone who was not your ideal man noticed it.

* * *

As expected, everyone went to the school grounds, including N*ruto and Class 3-N, L*ffy and Class 3-O, and Er*n and his titan friends.

And like everyone else, Class 3-Z are excited for the event.

Well... Except for _one_.

"Are you excited who are our visitors for today?!"

"Yes!" everyone cheered.

"Then, let's welcome onstage the HEY! SCREAM! STAND![5]"

There, a group of handsome boys went to the stage and started singing while dancing.

"Hello, Gintama High students!" the idol group leader said, earning him screams and cheers from the female population.

The leader has a long braided hair and a pair of _ahoge_ , which really suits his well-endowed looks.

"We are here not only to promote our album, 'Endless World Phantasm'. We are also here to visit our beloved childhood friend who is currently studying here."

An enormous whispers filled the grounds. The leader then walked towards a certain vermillion-haired girl and kneeled in front of her.

"How are you, Kagura?" A warm smile was given to her by that very man.

Kagura was too shocked to give even a reply. The boy offered his hand to the shocked girl. However, before Kagura could react, a very sadistic aura created a high wall between the two.

"Hey, Mr. Flower Boy. I think you are way too friendly to my beloved _pig_ to give a damn."

A powerful punch was about to hit the Sadist Prince when he successfully evaded it.

"WHO ARE YOU TO SAY THAT I AM YOUR PIG, YOU SADISTIC BASTARD!"

"I am not talking to you, Chinese pig."

"YOU REALLY ARE TALKING ABOUT ME, YOU JERK!"

Okita Sougo was shocked when he felt a strong hand gripped his left shoulder. It was the leader.

"How dare you bad-mouthed my little sister?" he politely asked with a smile on his handsome face.

 _Little sister?_

Sougo unconsciously removed himself from the leader's grip.

"You look like a dumb sadist," Kagura retorted with a pair of half-lid eyes like their _sensei_. "You heard it right, sadist. I'm Kamui's little sister, Baka!"

The crowd gasped out of shocked. They couldn't believe that the tomboyish Chinese girl of Class 3-Z is the little sister of a hot superstar!

Instead of screaming out of envy, everyone cheered for the revelation. Who knew that their school was one step closer to a popular artist?

"Okay, enough with the drama. Let's party again!" shouted Abuto, one of the members of Hey! Scream! Stand!.

The music started playing and the idol group started performing again while the crowd were cheering for them.

Except these two rivals and the leader.

"So, what?" China brat said in a bored tone, breaking the wall of ice between the three.

She noticed how the two glared at each other's eyes with distaste.

"You should be the one who should stop looking at me like that if you want her hand," Kamui happily said with his annoying smile.

"Eh? I think you should be the one who get out of my way, _big brother_."

"Hahaha! What a strong soul you have, Mr. Sadist."

"Sougo. It's Okita Sougo. Only the pig can insult me with that."

"WHO ARE YOU TO INSULT ME WITH THAT, YOU DIRTY CHIHUAHUA! AND WHAT'S WITH THAT KIND OF DEAL? ARE YOU DEALING WITH DRUGS OR WHAT?"

Kagura felt a soft tap from her right shoulder.

It was human-wearing glasses that gave him a 'thumbs up'. "Nice tsukkomi-ing."

"DON'T GROUP ME WITH YOU, POOR GLASSES PLAIN CHARACTER!"

"OI! DON'T INSULT ME LIKE THAT!"

And a very tiring _tsukkomi-ing_ day has ended with a pair of broken glasses lying on the floor.

"DON'T END THE STORY WITH SUCH DREADFUL ENDING! AND WHY AM I DESCRIBED AS GLASSES?!"

Let's move on in this story.

"HEY! DON'T IGNORE ME!"

* * *

"Ahhh. How frustrating!" said by the megane while he walked to school the next day.

"The author knows nothing but bully me, yes? How frustrating!"

While walking, the poor plain guy saw a very disturbing psychopathic duo who became a very non-shoujo type couple. And a very scary one.

He immediately called someone using using a very _otaku_ -ish phone. "Sensei! There is an emergency! The world will end soon!"

* * *

[1] - Parody of Maroon 5, famous American band

[2] - Parody of Girl's Generation, a Korean all-girl group which was famous for their songs, "The Boys" and "I Got a Boy"

[3] - Parody of song released by Girl's Generation last 2015 after the departure of member, Jessica

[4] - parody of AKB48, one of Japan's leading girl group that has 130 members as of December 2015

[5] - parody of Japanese boy group, Hey! Say! Jump!

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **This is my second OkiKagu fic. I hope for everyone's enjoyment! Ciao!**

 **~MaeveArte**


End file.
